In church this morning I was reminded how God is in every detail of our life, even when we feel like He isn’t. As i was waiting to get an ultrasound done at my OBGYN office the day after we found out Ruth went to be with the Lord. My husband gave me music to listen to. I sat in a room that was for cases like mine. I’ve never thought or realized that they have certain rooms to tell parents devastating news but I’m thankful they do. I’ll never forget how quiet and still the air felt.

After we got back from getting the second ultrasound done to confirm her heart was no longer beating. I sat and wept as i listened to worship music holding on to the hope of heaven. My favorite song came on Hymn of heaven by Phil Wickham. In the beginning of the song it says “how i long to breathe the air of heaven” it captured exactly how i felt and still does. I have listen to it hundreds of times since i sat in that chair waiting for the Doctor to deliver the news we dreaded to hear. It became a song that I listen to feel close to heaven, and it gave me a beautiful image of how incredible the day will be when I stand in front of our Savior and meet our daughter. I still play that song three months later and it still takes me back to sitting in that chair. It will forever remain a painful memory but one that reminds me that God was with me in that quiet room and he’s still with me today.

In the last few months I have wondered if our church would ever play that song, by chance. Tomorrow is Monday, September 1st, which marks three months since we found out about Ruths passing. This morning in church the worship band sung Hymn of Heaven and i stood in awe and worshiped our God who is in every detail of our life and story. Since loosing Ruth, i have encountered so many God winks that i hold so dear to my heart. In the early days and weeks following i found myself often amazed to see how God was showing up in the midst of our pain. Here we are months later and he is still showing up in ways i least expect him to. The God who shows up for us in our pain is the same God who is with us on a quiet Sunday morning to remind us he is in every details of our story and won’t ever leave us.